Hope After Loss

After my twins died, I used writing as a place to talk to God. I let it all out. The good(which wasn't much of anything), the bad, and the ugly. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I WROTE.

As the days, weeks, months, and years went by, that small little notebook filled up with every emotion you can imagine.

One day, I decided I was going to go to the very beginning and just read- just to see how I was feeling back then. I read one, and then another and another and before I knew it, I was sobbing.

This time, the tears weren't from sadness.

I cried because I finally saw what He had done.

God had met me every single day, in the middle of the mess, and little by little, He healed me. I had been held and carried by my Savior’s hands — and the proof was right there in front of me.

I don't know your story, but what I do know is:

God sees you.

He loves you.

And He is waiting for you with arms wide open.

I want to share with you parts of my journal over the past 3 years - to show you how God was working, even when I couldn't see it.

I want to remind you there is hope.

And just like scripture says, He collects all tears... He truly does.

Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

October 8th, 2022

Just two days after my twins died

"I am so sad. I feel like my heart has physically left my body. I see nothing good in the future. Why me? I miss them so much it hurts physically. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest."

October 20th, 2022

"Lord, I ask you to take the heaviness, take the pain, take it all. I can't do this without you."

April 25th, 2023

"Lord, Thank you for today. My work on Earth is not done yet. Show me how to be more like you, Jesus. Lead me where you want me to go today; give me the tools I need. I pray my body is healthy to carry a baby full term and we are able to bring them home one day."

October 25th, 2023

"Lord, Thank you for this day. Thank you for this wonderful blessing you have blessed Josh and I with. I pray you cover this baby and my womb with the blood of Jesus. Keep our baby safe, healthy, and prosperous. I pray for peace and comfort for my mind and body Thank you Lord for this sweet baby."

February 17th, 2024

"Lord, Thank you for today. 20 weeks pregnant, WOW! So bittersweet. I am so grateful and happy Gracie is growing strong and healthy, but I can't help to be sad Scarlet and Jackson never made it this far. I trust in the plan you have for my life."

August 23rd, 2024

"Lord, Thank you for waking me up today. Thank you Lord for Gracie, she is such a blessing"

April 9th, 2025

"Lord, Thank you for today. Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do in my life. I pray you give me peace beyond all understanding. I pray you give me kindness and patience and to be more like you everyday. I want the will you have for my life. I have fully surrendered and trusting in you Lord."

October 5th, 2025

"3 years... Thank you Lord for getting me to this day. Your unwavering love has truly pulled me out of some of the darkest days of my life. Many days I was unsure how I would make it to the next, but you weren't. You knew all along that I would be sitting in this very moment. Thank you Jesus! In the darkest seasons, growth happens. I am grateful for the struggles, the pain, the suffering, because without it, there would be no growth. Thank you Lord. "

Looking back, I see now what I couldn’t then — that God met me in every tear, every silence, every ache. He carried me through days I thought would never end, and He turned my sorrow into something sacred. If you’re walking through your own heartbreak, hold on. He’s closer than you think, collecting every tear and redeeming every piece of your story.